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Selected writing

A few places to begin — fragments and longer pieces on everyday life, relationships, and being with children.

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从这里开始,读一些关于日常、关系,以及与孩子相处的片刻。

In Everyday Life

In everyday life, a feeling or reaction often comes before the mind turns it into a story: “This is who I am” or “They always do this.” Awareness means noticing that feeling without immediately letting it define us. We can still respond when needed, while allowing some reactions to pass on their own. The story may still arise, but it can become shorter and carry less weight.

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日常生活中,感受或反应往往先出现,头脑随后把它变成故事:“我就是这样的人”“他总是这样”。觉察,就是先看见那个感受,不急着用它定义自己。需要时仍然可以回应,有些反应也可以自行过去。故事可能还是会形成,只是变短一些,分量轻一些。

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As the body becomes familiar with being relaxed, the world does not have to be quiet. Attention naturally focuses when needed and relaxes when the moment passes. Things still happen, and thoughts and memories still come and go, but they no longer have to build a story around “me.” They can be noticed without being carried forward.

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当身体逐渐熟悉松弛,世界就不必没有杂音。注意力在需要时自然集中,事情过去后又松开。事情仍然发生,想法和记忆仍然来去,只是不再需要围绕“我”形成一个故事。它们可以被看见,不必再接着讲下去。

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With Children

Children often respond directly to what is happening around them. They may cry or shout, then soon return to being happy or relaxed. When an adult stays steady, acknowledges their feelings, and gives them room to express themselves safely, it can help those feelings pass. One reaction does not have to define their character or predict their future. Each moment can end without becoming a lasting story about who they are.

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孩子常常直接回应周围正在发生的事情。他们可能哭、喊,也可能很快又开心起来、放松下来。当大人稳定地陪在身边,理解他们的感受,允许他们安全地表达,情绪就更有机会自然过去。一次反应不必被定成性格,也不必用来判断他们的未来。这一刻可以过去,不必变成一个关于“他是怎样的孩子”的固定故事。

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Unless there is something we need to do, we let him follow his own rhythm. As long as he seems relaxed and engaged, we give him time to explore without interrupting.

 

Sometimes he repeats the same activity; sometimes he moves on to something entirely different. Learning happens through noticing, trying, asking questions, and making connections, even when it does not look like a lesson. We offer explanations when curiosity arises, giving understanding time to develop.

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除非有必要的安排,我们让孩子按照自己的节奏活动。只要他总体上放松、投入,就尽量不打断。

 

有时他会反复探索同一件事,有时又突然转向完全不同的活动。学习就在观察、尝试、提问和联系中发生,不一定像大人理解的“上课”。我们在好奇出现时提供解释,让理解有时间慢慢形成。

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In relationship

Family is often where we first learn what feels safe, whether we are accepted, and how to respond to others. Even before we can put these experiences into words, we begin forming familiar patterns of reaction.

 

Later, a tone of voice or a glance can bring back old feelings, followed by thoughts such as “This always happens,” “I have to do this,” or “This is who I am.” These responses can feel automatic, but noticing them helps us see how past experiences shape the story we tell about ourselves.

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家庭往往是我们最早学习什么是安全、自己是否被接纳,以及该怎样回应他人的地方。还不能用语言表达时,我们就已经开始形成一些熟悉的反应。

 

后来,一种语气或一个眼神,就可能唤起过去的感受,接着出现“事情一定会这样”“我必须这么做”“我就是这样的人”等想法。这些反应常常自动发生。看见这个过程,就能慢慢分清:此刻发生了什么,以及过去的经历怎样变成了关于“我”的故事。

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Family relationships can also make it easier to see how our sense of “me” takes shape. Familiar feelings and reactions may still arise, but we can begin to notice how they become a story about who we are. We do not have to stop or change them immediately. Simply seeing this process is an important step, and can be the beginning of feeling more at ease.

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家庭关系也常常让我们更容易看见,“我”是怎样形成的。熟悉的感受和反应仍然会出现,但我们开始注意到,它们怎样变成了关于“我是谁”的故事。不必马上阻止,也不必急着改变。先看见这个过程,就已经是重要的一步,也是松弛的开始。

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Keep reading

 

Everyday notes
Fragments on awareness, relationships, and everyday life.
Browse by month →

 

 

With children
Notes on presence, care, and life with children.
Browse by month →

 

 

Series
Pieces gathered around a shared theme.
Explore the series →

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